Understanding the Journey, Friendships with a Purpose
Friendship is a beautiful bond that thrives on mutual understanding, empathy, and support.
However, for parents of children with unique abilities, this bond can sometimes feel strained.
As someone who has experienced the ups and downs of this journey and witnessed many friendships and relationships diminish, I think it’s essential to “make sense” of how to create friendships with a purpose. Understanding the challenges faced by friends navigating the complexities of raising children with special needs is crucial, as is learning not to take their lack of interaction personally.
First and foremost, it’s essential to recognize that these parents are not seeking sympathy; rather, they crave understanding and connection. Life can often be overwhelming for them, filled with health concerns, educational challenges, constant worry about their child’s future, and many of life's uncertainties. This reality can lead to fluctuations in communication. If a friend doesn’t reach out as often, it’s not a reflection of their feelings toward you; it’s a manifestation of their daily struggles and exhaustion.
Empathy is crucial. Rather than focusing on what you may perceive as a lack of communication, try to understand the whirlwind of emotions they face. There are days, weeks, or even months when they might need to retreat into their own world, seeking solace in the familiarity of their routine. Recognizing that their silence isn’t personal can be liberating for both parties. Offer a listening ear when they’re ready to talk, and let them know you’re there for them, regardless of the frequency of your interactions. I like to refer to this time as a "system reboot." These periods often occur for me after a health episode or an IEP meeting, when I am overwhelmed with information.
Another important aspect is to provide support without overwhelming them. Offer specific help rather than a general “Let me know if you need anything.” Instead, you could say, “I’d love to bring over dinner this week” or “Can I come over and give you a break?” These specific offers can feel more manageable than an open-ended invitation, which might inadvertently add to their anxiety. Even a simple “I’m here for you” can go a long way in reinforcing that they are not alone on their journey.
Additionally, educate yourself about their child’s unique abilities. Understanding their challenges can help you empathize more deeply, engage in meaningful conversations, and find more ways to offer practical support. Having this knowledge allows you to ask thoughtful questions and offer genuine support, demonstrating that you care about their child’s experiences as much as you care about your friend’s. There is nothing worse than someone engaging in conversation about your child and assuming they know their diagnosis or offering unsolicited solutions. Such ignorance can be offensive and insensitive.
In conclusion, being a friend to a parent of a child with unique abilities requires patience, understanding, and flexibility. It's also important to recognize that everyone deals with their own stresses, and we never seek to minimize what you may be experiencing. After all, life is relative to our own experiences. As a parent dealing with daily stressors, I often tell my close family and friends that sometimes, “my sympathy tank is just full,” and I cannot physically or mentally take on more than what’s in my four walls. It’s about creating a safe space where they can share their joys and struggles without fear of judgment.
By offering unwavering support and empathy, you can help them feel valued and understood—making a world of difference in their lives. Remember, friendship is not about quantity but about the quality of connection, especially during challenging times. There are many joys to be had, and without these experiences, I would not have been inspired to write a children’s book touching on this very topic of empathy. Stay tuned for the release of I’m Not Invisible coming late fall.