By Dara Mormile

I was casually scrolling through Instagram last year when I came across a video of a 30-something-year-old influencer documenting her search for love. She posted reels on all of her dates (proudly, nearly a dozen in a few months) and how she was going to keep raising her standards to find “Mr. Right”. Intrigued by this girl, who’s ten years younger than me and willing to bare all of her private moments for paid sponsorships and a generous salary, I kept watching her overshare awkward experiences.

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Not understanding why anyone would subscribe to this hot mess, I watched more of her posts - including a video entitled ‘Come get ready with me for my tenth date.” I started to dislike her content and the unstable relationship/dating messages she was sending to young women. I never had a platform to share my dating bombs, and I was always very private. Still, for some reason, I was hooked on watching her reels!

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Then I realized that I was starting to practice what social psychologists now call “Hate-following” — purposely watching and following someone’s content (whether you know them or not) who you disagree with or resent because you enjoy seeing their drama - and possibly their demise.

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To explain this psychological term and how it emotionally and mentally affects how we view social media, Assistant Professor at Widener University, Maureen A. Coyle, PhD, spoke to Preferred Health Magazine about why some of us thrive on following/being connected to those we dislike.

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“I like to think about the quote from ‘The Scarlet Letter’ - how hate and love are basically the same because they both require a great deal of passion,” Dr. Coyle said.  “So we’ll follow people we love because we’re enthralled and excited - but hate and resentment also take a lot of energy out of us. I believe Hate-Following stems from the idea of social comparison, which is why we see social media lead to mental health problems.”

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Dr. Coyle, whose research focuses on the mental health impacts of modern technology through social media and online dating, explained that we naturally engage in social comparison on a regular basis - without even realizing it!

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“A lot of times, we figure out who we are in relation to others,” she noted. “We engage in two comparisons - one is a downward social comparison, meaning I’m comparing myself to someone I perceive as less than me in some way. Maybe they’re less attractive, less well off, or less smart. That tends to make us feel better.”

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She also pointed to the fact that more often we’re making an upward social comparison to those who we perceive as better than us in some way.

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“As humans, it’s something we’ve always done, but our capacity to do it has gotten much more intense. Now you can compare yourself to anyone across the globe. We still have a real archaic brain in this modern world; figuring out our own identity and values by social comparison. There are components of envy and jealousy within Hate-Following that aren’t healthy if we want to grow and have our own identity.”

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You don’t have to simply Hate-Follow celebrities and influencers to satisfy some of your psychological gossip cravings. Many of us keep tabs on family and friends - following their successes and failures.

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“Thanks to social media, if you’re connected with family you can’t stand, you're going to see updates about their lives, and it’s hard to avoid - unless you block their feeds, of course. Some people feel an obligation to add family members on social media just to see what’s going on and gossip about them in a bad way. For example, you see a relative who might be getting a divorce and want to find out more, so you keep checking their page. It’s human nature - we can’t help but want to know what’s going on in some people’s lives.”

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The mentally unhealthy aspect of this, she said, is the time it consumes as you’re scrolling.

“No matter who you’re Hate-Following and carrying resentment for, there’s no psychological benefit. 

You have to ask yourself - is this really something you want to do with your time?” she said with a little humor. “Some are spending a significant portion of their leisure time just watching people’s lives who they don’t value or support. It’s not psychologically healthy because it’s not positive. Also, it tends to make people more bitter and cynical.”

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She also says lurking an ex’s social media is one of the worst Hate-Following practices, as it delays mentally processing the breakup and emotionally healing.

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A 2024 study published by SSRN (Social Science Research Network) entitled “Prevalence, Motivations, and Implications of Hate Following Among the Youth of Mumbai Towards Celebrities on Social Media Platforms”  sourced 500 participants aged 15-24, with equal representation of males and females, and analyzed qualitative data from interviews.

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“Findings indicate a significant prevalence of hate following (55.8%), with males (61.6%) exhibiting slightly higher rates than females (50%). The primary motivations include jealousy (43.73%) and entertainment (32.97%). Psychological factors such as the need for belonging (50%) and low self-esteem (33.33%) were identified as major contributors. The study highlights the severe implications of hate following, including cyberbullying (41.2%) and increased anxiety and depression among youth (30.8%).”

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Coyle has studied and taught many aspects about the psychology of social media. A millennial herself, she’s seen mental health trends change as younger people started spending less time reading and engaging in real life; instead becoming more video-oriented - consuming viral information on social media without reading or processing.

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“We’re always struggling to do research as social media evolves,” Coyle admitted. “By the time we collect data, analyse and publish it, we’re still always a little bit behind because a new social trend’s come out.”

Her advice, of course, is to step away from social media and ask - has your life truly changed from following someone’s story?

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Admittedly, I still follow the influencer who was once desperately-dating-for-attention. She finally found the love of her life, and I’m happy for her - but it’s not as juicy as the horrible mini soap operas she shared about failed love. My interest has plateaued. Now I know I was just a bored and envious older woman who never made money from posting public videos about failed love in my youth.

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That realization carries a lot of self-awareness — and probably a little sting, too.
 

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Maureen A. Coyle, PhD, is an Assistant Professor with the Psychology department at Widener University in Chester, Pennsylvania. She obtained her PhD in Basic & Applied Social Psychology from the Graduate Center, City University of New York in September 2021. Her media expertise includes computer-mediated communication, online dating,social psychology and applied social psychology. She’s the recipient of the Golden Brain Award (Psychology Professor of the Year), Seton Hall University (2022); Doctoral Student Research Grant, City University of New York (2020), PSC CUNY Research Award, City University of New York (2017).https://www.widener.edu/about/faculty-directory/maureen-coyle

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