By Dara Mormile
So, you think you've met the perfect guy!
He's attractive, generous, has an amazing job, and is unlike anyone you've ever dated.
Then one day, he confesses that he's in therapy. You might not know how to react or what to feel.
Do you say, "Uh-oh," or "Awesome"?
Recent media reports reveal that young women are finding it sexy, attractive - and a major 'green flag'
— to be with a partner who prioritizes their mental health. The stigma associated with mental health may be turning a much-needed corner for today's single ladies.
Jaime Bronstein, LCSW, licensed relationship therapist, famed author and speaker, shared the inside scoop with Preferred Health Magazine on why Gen Z women are more open-minded to the idea of cozying up to a guy who's not ashamed to admit that he's in the throes of getting his life together.
"I do think women are finding it attractive because more guys are now willing to get mental health —
and admit it -— as opposed to decades ago," said Bronstein, who's been a dedicated therapist for 20 years. "Mental health is totally mainstream now. It's not taboo these days, and hiding your authentic self isn't an admirable trait anymore. A big part of that transition over these past few years is men who are dominating social media. There are so many male influencers and coaches who are making mental health a priority."
Bronstein referred to Prince Harry's book 'Spare' as an example. The Duke of Sussex poured his heart out in this 2023 memoir about self-examination and healing. "There's the celebrity aspect of seeing therapy as a positive space," the expert noted. "They see another male whose whole brand is taking guys on retreats for self-improvement and self-discovery. Suddenly, it's cool and they're willing to open up and work on their issues."
According to the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH), approximately 17% of American men received mental health treatment in 2021. The numbers may be growing as women increasingly share their mental health journeys with men who are inspired to take the same course of healing perhaps.
What makes it 'sexy' for a man to be in therapy?
"It's sexy because therapy helps a guy become more mature and more evolved!" Bronstein boasted. "If he has a therapist, you know he's going to be in his integrity and he has someone to answer to about the decisions he makes and what's best for his emotional health. He realizes that he wants to show up as his authentic self in the relationship. He's taking care of unresolved trauma, he's trying to improve his communication skills, and he's identifying his feelings as he works through his problems. Most women want a man who's equipped with the mental and emotional tools to be a caring and understanding partner."
She also said that vulnerability is a big turn-on for many women who want to feel connected to a man who's in touch with his own emotions. "Men are wired and programmed to just push their feelings down and not deal with hurt. Women are the over-thinkers and over-analyzers, so having a partner who's learning to be more empathetic and understand their actions, being self-realizing, is truly desirable."
When should a guy open up to a new partner about their self-healing journey?
"A lot of times I disagree with the average therapist's approach that it shouldn't be talked about for a while - but this one I completely agree with the consensus; it's not necessary to mention it on the first or second date!" said the host of 'Love Talk Live'.
She advises against spending time talking about exes or focusing on anything negative. "You want to get to know each other for each other and you don't want to pass judgments that could ruin being with the person for who they are trying to become now, not the past or the trauma they've been through."
The manifestation coach also spoke about 'Little Ts' and 'Big T's' in terms of revealing one's 'trauma'.
"A guy needs to gauge when to tell someone about his therapy sessions depending on if it's a 'Big T' or 'Little T'. If he's had problems with his parents that run really deep…If it's a big trauma he's getting over, maybe scarring childhood events, it's something he should wait longer to reveal."
Bronstein said some women might be scared if they learn too soon that a guy has extensive, traumatic and deep-rooted issues. "It also depends on the woman's level of maturity and how much she can accept a guy who's still repairing himself. Honestly, it takes men longer to work through therapy than women since they mature later in life than women do," she said. "Men typically compartmentalize their thoughts differently; most of them don't think about past conversations they had. When something bad happens, they usually get over it pretty quickly. Therapy and coaching teaches them to really understand themselves, be self-deprecating and pursue a relationship without the mental games that stem from misunderstandings."
The renowned dating and relationship coach said many of her male clients, one of the youngest being 25 years old, have been on the road to better mental health. "I find that a lot of men come out of therapy as a new person with an evolved frame of mind."
This new healing trend may mean your soulmate isn't far away. They're simply 'MANifesting', and soul searching so they can be mentally healthier, stronger and sexier!
Jaime Bronstein was named the “#1 Relationship Coach Transforming Lives” by Yahoo Finance and hosts “Love Talk Live.” Her book “MAN*ifesting” is available wherever books are sold and she shares her relationship advice on various media outlets such as NBC News Daily, On Air With Ryan Seacrest, ABC, CBS, Forbes, The New York Times, USA Today, People Magazine, Newsweek, and Thrive Global and has a BA in psychology from Boston University, a master’s degree from New York University, and a few certificates in Spiritual Psychology from the University of Santa Monica, enabling her to help her clients heal, seeing each challenge in life as an opportunity to evolve and live life to its fullest extent. Website:https://therelationshipexpert.com/
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